I’m worried. In recent weeks, things have gone from bad to worse; I don’t know what to do anymore, or how to help him… now that the unthinkable has happened.

            Since I can remember, the world has always revolved around everyone else except me; it only remembers me when it has some misfortune to share. My parents died when I was six, and my grandmother took care of me; I love her, and I will never be able to thank her enough for everything she’s done, but I have no one else. I never had siblings, uncles or cousins. There was only me. Until that very day in the cemetery when I met him…

            Something happened since we exchanged the first words that it didn’t take long for us to get along; although I suppose something like that is very common in children of that age. You meet someone in the park or at school, and in five minutes they become your best friend. That happened to us. His parents and my grandmother also met, they exchanged numbers to ‘set play dates’ and the rest is history. Suddenly, I no longer felt alone. Much less when a girl moved into the house next door to his and her parents enrolled her in the same school we went to; and so, we were already three. Inseparable. Like a small family. Like a mythical creature with three heads, with three different personalities that complement each other and make it one and the same, regardless of whether they share a body or not. And so, five years passed, and during that time, nothing else mattered to me. I had no parents, but my grams was there; I had no siblings or cousins, but I had them. I didn’t need more.

            However, just when I was fairly old enough to begin to understand how the world works, it decided I had had enough of that rest. My friend’s parents decided to take him to another country and only his neighbor and I stayed to miss him. The creature lost a head and the perfect balance was broken. Of course, she and I remained just as inseparable, but nothing was ever the same again. Once again, I was alone. Entering adolescence, I saw once again how the world moved without having a place for me. I tried looking for it in comic books, in neighbors who were my age but never hit it off, in my skateboard, in videogames, and even in our wealthy classmates from the exclusive high school we got into when we grew up, but I never found it; nor in the pedant, rich and magazine model guy who became my friend’s boyfriend.

            I must confess that in some corner of my subconscious I would’ve liked to be able to develop some high self-esteem personality to be popular and at least get some attention, but I only managed to become a relentless joker who uses humor to try to express himself and please others. Other than that, I guess I couldn’t really complain; in the eyes and ears of anyone it must have seemed that my ‘problems’ were insignificant compared to others who are not as lucky as I am to have a grandmother, a roof over their heads, and a modest inheritance to be able to pay for a school of such league. I think all of that helped me in some way to try to walk though life… until that January morning.

         At the least expected moment, the least expected happened: he came back. Suddenly, as I was under detention for pranking a classmate, the head of the class assigned me a new student to show him around the school complex. That day, I couldn’t stop smiling; our friend neither. The creature regained its third head and became stronger than before. The family was reunited.

            He looked changed; different. Not only he had grown up just like us, but he seemed to have matured more. I thought he was quieter, more pensative. Even his way of speaking was different; although I guess that was mainly due to spending five years in a country of another language. As the days went by, I realized he was also absentminded, and even a little uneasy; that led me to think maybe he was keeping some kind of secret… a secret I discovered one morning when I saw him sneaking into one of the school gardens and I found him talking to a pink creature he kept in his backpack. The world then decided to hit me once more: the two of them were there to tell me that I was some kind of lost sorcerer with dormant powers whose destiny was to fulfill a vital mission that would culminate in me defeating a ferocious dark sorcerer who had on his side great armies and all the power of Darkness. I had to pinch myself out of sight a couple of times when, after humoring them for a while just to see how far they could go with the joke, a witch with large wings appeared to assassinate me. In the midst of the confusion, my friend ended up saving my life… and in the process, it turned out that the one chosen to live a life full of dangers was not me, but him.

            From that day, everything changed radically. Magic was real. Real! We became two seventeen-year-old boys who had an apparently normal life by day, and traveled to another world at night to fulfill the mission that the little creature, who had already become his gluttonous TV addict roommate, had assigned him. Fate chose my friend to follow an impossible task that not even the most experienced witches or sorcerers in the other world could perform, but somehow, I feel I am also part of it. That’s how we grew up. The pain and joy of one were the other’s. There was nothing else. It was only natural.

            During the last few weeks, we’ve seen things that not even in our wildest dreams could we have imagined. We’ve risked our lives so many times now that I’ve lost count. It is dangerous. It is deadly. Magic lost its charm the first time we saw it take a life, and we understood that we would be much less immune when an enemy were set out to harm us… But still, I want to help. I want to help him. And while I’m sure he cares about me and would be more comfortable if I didn’t accompany him on his dangerous missions in those kingdoms, I can’t stand aside. The least I can do is be with him to support him when his powers grow and drive him crazy, or when he wants to talk to me about his inappropriate and undying feelings for our friend.

            Although I am just a mortal, as we are called, and there is nothing ‘magical’ I can do to make a difference, I want to be useful. I wish I could do the same things he can; I would give anything to have a couple of those abilities to help him on a battle… but I don’t. I know that objectively I’m just a companion, but I’d rather be that than nothing at all. Now, I no longer owe him just for saving me from loneliness for years growing up; now, I owe him my life too. Several, actually. And I couldn’t be happier with the payment of my debt. Thanks to him, I recently met a person who I think is extremely special; that person who, from the first time you see yourself reflected in their eyes, you understand there is a path to explore and that it will be wonderful. She is imperfectly perfect. The last few days I thought that if I had the great fortune to have that door opened for me, then I would know that maybe life isn’t too bad for me after all… or so I thought until the tragedy happened…

            I admire him. I really do. Despite everything, he keeps moving on. I see him broken before me and even so he keeps on fighting. He lost his spirits. He lost faith. He lost sense of all justice. He lost himself. But he keeps giving everything on continuing with the mission; more than before. I respect him. With his voice on a thread, he told me that he also died that night, and I see in his eyes that he is collapsed inside… and he continues fighting. No matter what has been thrown at him so far, he gets back up and does it stronger. It’s admirable. And the funny thing about all this is that I’m sure he doesn’t even realize how strong he is. I know he needs time, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get it for him… and in the meantime, I’ll use it as well. My heart is also broken. And even when I feel that a part of me left too, I can’t say anything to him. I won’t say anything to him. The fate of thousands depends on him continuing to walk and I am going to help him in any way I can, preventing him from being distracted by trifles like what I may be going through as well. Maybe one day we can talk about this… maybe when this is all over… if we are still alive.

*Excerpt taken from the unknown diaries of Alexander Johnathan Taylor…